Thursday, April 7, 2011

30? Yikes!

Alert the Media - I'm turning 30 in a few days... How did that happen? Where does the time go? It feels like yesterday that I was living in Provo and running around all crazy. Oh, how 19 was a great age. I had such a great time in my "youth." And I have a great time now! My life is so fabulous... So what is it about the big 3-0 that makes you take inventory of your life in such a judgemental manner?? I mean, last week everything was fine and dandy. But suddenly, the closer I get to 30, the more annoying it is that I dont have a house yet! Or kids! Why do you think that is? Why am I fine with it at 29 but when I approach 30, it feels like a slap in the face?

Well, I refuse to wallow in a cliche depression brought on by how life never turns out the way you plan. I mean, think about it. Try to remember back in high school or middle school (that's farther back for some of us than others)...How did you think YOUR life would turn out? See, I had these super awesome, young parents that did all kinds of stuff with us. So in my head, it was very important to be a young mom. Well... that didn't go the way I planned at all! And what a blessing that turned out to be. SO - in honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I've decided to celebrate ALL the things that DIDN'T turn out the way I planned.

PLAN #1 - I wanted to be married young and have children young like my parents did. I know it was difficult for them because they didn't plan that... but as kids - we LOVED having these awesome young parents that were very active and did all kinds of stuff with all throughout our whole childhood. I wanted that really badly for my children.

REALITY - I met Tim when I was 19 and fell in love with him shortly thereafter. He didn't leave on a mission until he was 21, so we didn't marry until we were 23. The good part? I got all 4 of those years to be young, play and date and never wonder what single adulthood was like. I loved every minute of it and was more than ready to settle down when Tim came home. The kids thing? Well, thank heavens that didn't happen... I spent 26 and 27 with Crohn's and Cancer. How much more difficult would our life have been if we had kids at home while I lived in the hospital?

PLAN #2 - Buy a house soon into our marriage because renting feels like a waste of money. Yeah right...

REALITY - Well the reality is, I'm pushing 30 and STILL renting! Yes, this feels very unfair and yes, it makes me mad sometimes that we haven't been able to purchase before now. The good part? We've been very blessed by our living situation and since we didn't have a house... there was nothing to lose when I ended up in the hospital for 2 years. Plus, now that we are ready to finally purchase, we have found the opportunity to have a home next door to my parents. Which may sound crazy to some of you - but anyone who knows my family knows that this is awesome!

PLAN #3 - Get college degrees and have fabulous careers. Okay - really... who was I kidding? I didn't even like to do homework in high school.

REALITY - I started Cosmetology when I was 20 and thought I would love it. Well, I didn't...and even if I had, Crohn's Disease put a nix on that. I was sick all the time and missed way too much school. So that ended my school days. And yes, I did think about going back. But I chose not to. And yes, usually I regret that decision. But it is what it is. The good part? I've been very blessed with jobs in the mortgage industry that have provided me with good salaries and benefits. And most importantly, they eventually led me here to my current job which has been an incredible blessing.

Well, I think you get the idea. My life today is NOT what I pictured for myself. And you know what? I am so glad! Because what the heck did I know?? Yeah, I could have had a cookie cutter perfect life like I thought I wanted...but what would I get out of that?? The trials in my life have led me on such an amazing journey. I've learned to respect myself in a whole new way and learned what I'm truly made of and capable of through all the things that didn't go "my way." I'm so grateful for my Heavenly Father who loves me; is with me all the time and knows exactly what I want and more importantly, what I need.

So I will enjoy this last week of my 20's and with open arms, I welcome whatever my 30's has to offer. BRING IT ON BABY! I'll take whatever you got and I will love it. :o) Happy Birthday to Me.


Tawnee said...

What a beautiful post! I like your way of looking at things; very inspiring. (and I bought the house across the street from my parents and it has been one of the biggest blessings of my life so I totally get it) :D

Lindsay said...

Totally happy birthday to you! What a great perspective you have on your life, you're the best!